Parenting: Why was there no class in school on this?

Parenting, Adulting, Being Responsible

A large part of me wants to just say “this is hard”—and give up. Or just go with what’s easiest. I want to just turn on the tv, give them more toys, yell, put them in time out, take away all privileges, give in to all but the most necessary arguments, etc. etc. etc. It’s what I know. It’s what everyone does…

But I’ve realized lately that it’s really not working. And that I don’t know what I’m doing. Mostly its ended up with me getting angry, or crying, or whining at my kids to “please, please just pray so mommy can go to bed.” Real words that came out of my mouth: A stunning performance.

A large part of my life, I’ve gone to school. I’ve been really good at school. I’ve figured it out. But parenting is not what I went to school to learn. I didn’t go to school to learn how to teach others to be good, responsible people. I was busy learning that on my own—but not just from school. From my parents, mostly. From friends, sports, my community, and my Church. There was a whole network to teach me—which gives me hope. But I wasn’t exactly focused on how they were teaching me. I was busy learning.

So now, God decided to entrust me with teaching this to two little people—people who at the moment don’t know that they want to learn any of this. But who I believe (at the moment anyways) are good, and who want to be good and learn to love God. So I’m setting out to learn.

At this point, I am their main community- their first teacher. The problem: I often have a list of other things that need to get done, and so I forget that they are my first job. I don’t stay home to home-make. I stay home to raise my children. Not that homemaking is bad, or that I don’t need to do it to help my family be better, but that these people come first. Always.

Oh humility—admitting I don’t know what I’m doing; that I need a teacher. I need to learn for both their character and for my sanity—because the not listening, whining and talking back aren’t quite working for me. I’m just too stubborn to have admitted that before now—because I didn’t know what to do about it. I still don’t know what to do about it, but I know that I can’t model Christ if I’m angry at my kids all the time. Or get them to stop yelling at each other by yelling at them (yep. I tried that…). I also know other people have done this before, so I have to try.

So, Idea One:

Forget consequences and rewards.

I get the concept—they don’t actually solve the problem, or address the root issue. Instead, try “I-messaging” (ugh. This sounds so hippie it kinda makes me want to puke, but I’ll try anything at this point).

The basic idea: formulate a statement that reflects how something makes you feel and how it will hurt you. Trust the basic good nature and intentions of the child.

Expect an update on how this works soon…